The Queens homie J-Zone shot me an e-mail today with the info about his new book Root for the Villain: Rap, Bullshit and a Celebration of Failure, and I must say, I CAN’T WAIT TO READ IT!
From Captain Back Slap Himself:
Normally, I’d have to stick up a check cashing joint wearing Speedos and a Black Bart Simpson t-shirt to get mentioned in the LA Times.
The production work I did for The Lonely Island (Andy Samberg, Jorma Taccone and Akiva Schaffer from Saturday Night Live) on their Incredibad album in 2009 came up in their feature in the Times last week. I was eventually interviewed for it (about halfway down). Here’s the link…
In other news, I’ll be publishing my first book, Root for the Villain: Rap, Bullshit and a Celebration of Failure, this fall. Those who dug my grumpy old man tirades and general lampoonery from years past might enjoy this collection of curmudgeonly rants, hip-hop-inspired memoirs, humorous outlooks on failure, and think pieces on the general stupidity of the world at large in 2011.
are over 30
are a native New Yorker
often wonder if men are the new women
feel it’s perfectly acceptable to wear a clip-on tie with Master P’s face on it to a corporate job interview
have a college degree that got you two choices in the real world: the broom or the mop
had the opportunity to work with the legendary musical heroes of your childhood, then your broke ass got sued by one of them for copyright infringement
stuck a fork in dating in America and are now looking into blow-up dolls due to their low maintenance, low noise level, and low cost (an air body beats an airhead)
were robbed for a fake gold chain in the early ’90s
had a music career that kind of went kaput, so you were forced to get a “real” job and fall back into “real world” protocol. It was then you learned that the hip-hop 401k does not exist. Better yet, nothing exists. The Baby Boomers took it all.
are sick of “couple accounts” on Facebook (Fellas, if you allow your girl to create one page for the both of you, her d*ck is bigger than yours. Furthermore, anyone over the age of 21 trying to “poke” me will be attacked with a Wiffle ball bat.)
still use a Walkman and collect records
live with your hostile 87-year-old grandmother who passes gas 24/7, leaves her dentures on your bathroom sink, and disrupts pimpin’ at the house
were a hip-hop kid of the ’90s and/or enjoy nostalgic music business stories from that era
plan on entering the music business and want to read true accounts of how utterly dysfunctional and useless most of the people in it are
are sick of hearing all this bourgeois “Eat, Pray, Love” bullshit on dates. I want NYC’s crime rate to return to the 1990 statistics for a week; then you’ll really be praying to travel someplace expensive to “find yourself”. Shut the f*ck up and stop whining.
hate incessant texting, emoticons, internet lingo from grown ass men and women (ROTFL, OMG and similar dreck), “Gadget Hoes”, “Flash Hoes”, and “Cosmo Hoes”. (Note: If you come to the club solely to text all night or to ask me to take a picture of you and your raggedy bird ass friends holding drinks, those last three terms apply to you.)
are a curmudgeon with an allergy to bullshit
don’t stand a chance in life doing anything that doesn’t involve purchasing a Mister Softee ice cream truck, but truly believe that one day you will run for mayor and win…
This book is for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Root for the Villain is for 0.0002% of the world’s population and will probably sell like it. It’s my first attempt at publishing a book after having my work published in bits and pieces over the years, so pardon me while I figure this out on the fly. More info coming soon!
(Señor Kaos & J-Zone in Rochdale Village Queens NYC Summer 09)
Stay Tuned to Zone’s new site Govillaingo.com for updates and more comedy.